For weeks now, I have been wondering why a real affection for a close family friend always falls short of becoming an enduring friendship.
And although I find it embarrassing to dwell on the instances or incidents of disconnect I have to admit its got to do with this person — let’s just say a character called XY — being — well — stingy.
And I don’t mean this in terms of what we could call purchasing power — I don’t expect anyone to be ‘getting’ us anything — but an inability to reciprocate a generosity with his/her time, home routines and visits and yes, a particular stinginess in terms of breaking bread with a group of people beyond XY’s immediate friends and family.
THAT really rankles me.
And it rankles me especially I guess because XY finds it very convenient to drop by at everybody’s else’s place, assuming a right to be entertained, listened to, fed and so on while making it very clear that XY leads a terribly busy, stressful and tightly scheduled life.
As an American friend of mine in Sweden used to say — “Well, HELLO???!!!”
I am new to being a stay at home professional and I am not terribly good at it.
But man does it get me mad to be made to think that my time is everyone else’s but XY’s time is XY’s!
My mum is of the view that it doesn’t really matter how other people behave and that if I were really generous and large hearted I should find it in me to overlook such instances in an otherwise enduring dynamic.
But I am not able to see it that way.
I remember a dear school friend saying recently on her turning 40 that she finds it easier to be quite direct about awkward things. I have to say I’m coming around to that view myself. I have always found it very hard to be direct in awkward situations but it looks like the approaching milestone of soon turning 40 is freeing me up from some old set ways and views including overlooking ‘one way’ relationships/friendships.